Depressed - beauty demons sitting on my heart

     This morning I looked through some pictures of myself at the 2nd annual Austin Harvey Milk Commemorative March. True, I chose not to wear makeup, still pictures - any pictures lately spin me into a confidence down spiral.
http://www.farrisfoto.com/GetEqual/HarveyMilkConferenceAndMarch/index.html

Here is what I see when I look at these pictures. A passionate, angry woman with hair that seems to move on its own because of the goddess aura surrounding her. A woman who is fat, doesn't have a very pretty face (and having a pretty face means a whole lot to me), and whose hair is stringy, old, grey and belongs in a horror flick.

Robin looks at me and tries to comfort me by saying that I have just as beautiful a face as they day we met.
Sweet, nice, and helpful....something I will remember and cling to as a totem as I try to claw my way out of this dark place.

Still, I see a woman who is not as pretty as someone like Nikki Araguz and who has over the years gained an ever expanding girth.

I hope that yoga will help with the girth. The reality is that I eat too many sweets and have little self control. The yoga is better for the stress detox and the alignment of my body and soul...peace within rather than with easy, rapid weight loss.

Can I hold on long enough for the yoga to be of weight loss benefit.
Can I stop thinking of myself as this ugly old woman whose angry all the time.....

I don't know, this hole I fall into seems to be a cyclical one.


Much love, to a day or moment soon out of this darkness to a sunlit, cool beach.

Presentation Anxiety - opinions welcome, only if they are positive.

I am worried about my presentation at the Harvey Milk Conference this weekend. 


So, some critics (who are good friends I trust) say I put too many words on a slide. Others (also good friends and mentors) say I "read" too much from my slides. Both are true to some degree.


What is left out is that the detail I put into slides is to help me remember what in the heck I am supposed to say when I am in front of an audience. Also, my natural inclination is to read and react to the audience and build from there.

So, what do I tell myself? Perhaps that they have valid concerns, things I can work towards, but that I also have to be fair to myself and my way of doing things. If I clam up worrying about "did I put too many words on the slide" I cannot grow as a presenter through observation of how "better" presenters work the craft.

Also, in order to present I have to be relaxed enough to put those concerns "on the back burner" and engage the audience.

I like and need the structure of powerpoint. Perhaps sometimes I lean on that too much instead of using it as a visual aid. If I were teaching in the classroom, what would I be doing? Well, I would have an outline with the information I want the students to learn, those key points are what I would write up on the board - isn't the same thing I am doing when crafting the powerpoint ?


I cannot undersell my own flexibility though. Earlier this year I did an "off the hip" presentation with a good friend and mentor to a PFLAG chapter. The conversation had was pretty darn good - made better because the friend was there. But, I did "hold my own"


It is late, I may be over thinking this. 
I say, go with what has been built.
Some are going to think I am reading from the slides, some are going to like the slides, and some are going to say, "Hey, that Katy Stewart is pretty good at what she does."


Your comments appreciated.

Virtual BBQ Benefit

More to come, but please stop by a good 'ole Texas BBQ Benefit, done virtually for my friend Lou Weaver

http://louweaver2011.eventbrite.com/

Today only, zero-calorie, free virtual PECAN PIE with purchase of any BBQ plate.