Perspectives from transition - thoughts of crap I have been through because I am transgender.
When I decided to take action to be myself in the late 90s and early 2000's I saw a few therapists. At the time (and please comment if this is still happening now) the people I say tried using "litmus tests" to determine if someone is transgender.
So, a client comes in and says, "Hi, I am Katy and I believe I am a woman on the inside" . Instead of taking that at face value therapists would try tricky questions to "determine" whether you really were transgender or not....as though your personal affirmation was not enough and you had to pass some mysterious test.
Therefore, my first experience was a disaster. I cried all the way back from Houston. The therapist insisted that since I did not insist enough that I was a woman that I must not be ready and I should "spend some time in the community and try it out to see if this was for me". Let's unpack that a little. So, because I was polite and respectful to what the therapist said I was ambivalent or somehow not sure of who I am? Bullshit. Despite my cursing and bluster nowadays I am actually quite a reserved and quiet person...much moreso back then. Somehow my refusal to argue about my identity was a sign my identity was not what I said?
What if I just was saying to myself. "Ummm, I know who I am, you are being an asshole, why should I PROVE anything...I am who I am"
Yeah, idiotic on his part and totally unrealistic about the ability to participate in a community. Traveling to Houston regularly was out of the option, as was being part of a nonexistent community in B/CS.
My second experience, I would drive every two weeks to Austin and back to see a therapist. At this time my DL still had a male name and male designation. As such I dressed androgynously (maybe some femme shorts or pants), no makeup though. My fear? Getting stopped by DPS and suffering ignorance and crap.
The questions from the therapist that was stupid?
"Well, maybe you would just prefer being a feminine man? How does that feel to you?"
"OK, so you ignored these sessions we have had thus far and do not comprehend the complications of travel in todays world as a trans person. Maybe you just don't get it and should see other clients, not trans clients..." (I didn't really say that, just think that in reflecting back).
My point is thus, LITMUS TESTS ARE BS.
Don't use them. As an educator now I have teachers ask "How can they spot a trans student". 1) Why would you want to unless you are going to offer genuine support and 2)The best way to offer that support is to be open, listen, and to accept people for who they are at face value when they tell you.
The way to spot a trans student? Really easy.....when they come up to you and tell you that they are a trans student.
Feel free to comment and share....just had to vent that out this morning, been saving it up for about 16 years
No comments:
Post a Comment